Saturday, December 10, 2011

St. Louis Edges Cleveland for "Greatest Collection of Ungrateful Bastards" Title

Fans in St. Louis, incensed by Albert Pujols' decision to leave their fair city and ply his trade with Art Moreno's Halos for the next decade, have taken to burning Pujols jerseys in the street, cursing the slugging three time NL MVP and causing at least one area business to hire a security guard to protect a statue of the Dominican slugger.

Congratulations, St. Louis, you're officially the new Cleveland.

Just as the Rock and Roll Capital of the world expressed great outrage when their beloved basketball superstar LeBron James left for the warmer climate of Miami, Albert Pujols took the money (most of it; the Miami Marlins offered more, but would not offer a no-trade clause) and ran to Southern California, where, I've heard from a reliable source, it never rains, and his former fans are livid.

To the people of St. Louis, I offer a heartfelt and hearty "WAAAAAAAH."

Grow up, people. This is a business. It's about the money. At least YOUR superstar gave you two championships in a five year span before he left. You don't like free agency? You didn't seem to have a problem with it in the days of Darrell Porter and Joaquin Andujar. Ron Gant, Andy Benes and Gary Gaetti got you to the NLCS is '96. Chris Carpenter, Jason Isringhausen, and David Eckstein, were all vital pieces - and free agent acquisitions - for the 2006 Championship. For those in St. Louis with exceptionally short memories (which I'm now convinced is epidemic in the Gateway City) Lance Berkman, Jake Westbrook and Kyle Loshe were free agents who helped you win this year's title.

I fall those players had had the same kind of hometown loyalty that you expected from Pujols, you might have been looking back at 1967 wistfully.

Congrats to Albert for getting the deal he was looking for, and good luck to the people of St. Louis in finding a purpose in life.

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