Jeffrey Loria Eagerly Eyes Up Next Fire Sale

DALLAS - The newly re-christened Miami Marlins made a huge splash at this year's Baseball Winter Meetings, laying enough money on the table to buy an entire franchise, let alone players to resuscitate a slumping one. The Marlins - who at one point fielded an entire team that made less than Alex Rodriguez alone - went ahead and offered $191M to three players; former White Sox starting pitcher Mark Buehrle ($58M over 4 years), former Mets shortstop Jose Reyes ($106M over 6 years), and former Padres closer Heath Bell ($27M over 3 years). They were also heavy players in the bidding for former Cardinals first baseman Albert Pujols (reported offer of $275M over 10 years) and former Rangers starting pitcher C.J. Wilson ($99M over 6 years), and it is unknown if they are going to make a play for former Brewers first baseman Prince Fielder (who is likely to command 7 to 10 years and a total of $160M plus). 


The rampant spending from a team known for its thriftiness has the South Beach all aflutter about making a run at the championship in the first year in their new stadium, and the inevitable fire sale that will soon follow.


"We have the new stadium, which is the jewel of the baseball world, built on the taxpayers dime," Marlin's owner Jeffrey Loria said, "we owe it to them to put the best team we possibly can for two or three seasons before selling the players off to the highest bidder."


The Miami Marlins reportedly missed out on Pujols, arguably the best player of his generation, solely because they refused to offer him even a partial no-trade clause in what would have been a record tying contract (Yankees third baseman/Ming Vase Alex Rodriguez is currently in the fifth year of a 10 year, $275M contract), stressing that their team policy is to ensure that no matter how long they commit to a player, they need the flexibility to dismantle their team at any given moment.


"We have a new stadium, a new energetic manager in [former White Sox Manager Ozzie] Guillen, and a whole new attitude," Loria said, "so we're looking to pick up some new hardware. Before we give up completely and shuffle the deck again, which should happen within three years, tops."


The Marlins are the only team to win the World Series without winning their division, a feat they accomplished twice, in 1997 and 2003. Both Championships were immediately followed by the trading and release of several key players. 


"Teams like The Boston Red Sox and Chicago White Sox," Marlin's president of baseball operations Larry Beinfest said, "they spend money year after year, and they each went eighty something years without a championship. The Cubs spent $125 million last season, and last time they won a championship, Butch and Sundance were still alive. We think it's easier, not to mention more financially responsible, to spend a lot of money all at once, win a championship, and then trade off everything worth anything the next season and spend the next five to ten years scrimping. Two championships in twenty years, and only four of them were spent as a competitive franchise. Not too shabby."


With the off-season not even half way over, fans everywhere are looking for the Marlins to continue to make moves, acquire players through trade and free agency, and then ship them off before the team ever has a chance to form a coherent sense of unity.


The Miami Marlins starting roster, assuming no other trades are made, is presented below.

The Chicago Cubs were busy weeping openly about their 104 year championship drought, and were unable to comment.