Tuesday, June 17, 2008

"You're dead, Willie..."

Fred Tampon Wilpon, owner of the New York Mess Mets, has fired Willie Randolph. What a fucking shame. It's a shame not only that one of New York's most beloved sports heroes has been treated so shabbily, but that the Mets think that Jerry Manuel is any better a solution for this club.

Mets fans are right up there with the AFLAC duck on my scale of annoying pieces of shit now a days. FOR GOD'S SAKE, LET IT GO. The Yankees had a far more historic collapse in the 2004 playoffs, and they've managed to get over it. Stop whining about last season's 17 game horror show and move along.

Firing Randolph is one of the most short sighted moves I have ever seen. Sure, Willie wasn't the most media savvy guy in New York sports management history, but while everyone is busy blaming him for the Mets origami ending last year, let's not forget who managed them to that high perch they fell from. If he's responsible for their losses, why not their wins? I'm sure it's Willie's fault that Mr. Glass Moises Alou gets hurt eating breakfast cereal. I'm sure it's Willie's fault that David Wright has an occasional case of frying pan hands. Surely Willie is responsible for Carlos Delgado's inability to hit water falling out of a boat. And why should Whiny Bitch-fag Billy Wagner take any blame for bitching about his teammates lack of heart and then blowing three consecutive saves?

I hope the Mets plummet in the standings and fall into an Isaih Thomas' Knicks like funk until these spoiled crybaby players decide to take some accountability for their own shortcomings, and Fred Wilpon keels over from a heart attack. For years, the only thing the Mets had over the Yankees is that they weren't run by Veruca Salt George Steinbrenner. Congratulations, Wilpon, for bridging that gap.

Tuesday, June 03, 2008

Big News:

I have officially declared myself eligible for the 2008 NBA Draft.

Why should any team spend a pick on me?

Unlike many of the players currently in the NBA, I am drug free.

I have no criminal record.

I have a camera friendly face, for the frequent sideline shots I will be featured in.

As a 6' fat white guy, I'm the last one they'd expect to hit the big shot.

I do not frequent strip clubs, nor do I whack hookers over the head with table legs.

It would be a media bonanza.

I can hit the wide open three. Defended, not so much. But hey, Mike Penberthy got a full season, why shouldn't I?

I am the ultimate team player; I can put the starter's tear away pants back together when they come back off the bench.

I am destined to be an analyst on ESPN; the GM that picks me could take credit for launching my career.

If only Rick Pitino was still a GM. I know I could probably get a 3 year, $15 million dollar deal based on my "potential."
There was an error in this gadget