I have officially declared myself eligible for the 2009 NBA Draft.
Why should any team spend a pick on me?
Unlike many of the players currently in the NBA, I am STILL drug free.
I STILL have no criminal record.
As a 6' fat white guy, I'm the last one they'd expect to hit the big shot.
I do not frequent strip clubs, nor do I whack hookers over the head with table legs.
It would be a media bonanza.
I can hit the wide open three. Defended, not so much. But hey, Mike Penberthy got a full season, why shouldn't I?
I am the ultimate team player; I can put the starter's tear away pants back together when they come back off the bench.
I am destined to be an analyst on ESPN; the GM that picks me could take credit for launching my career.
Seriously, guys. YOU KNOW YOU WANT IT.