Showing posts with label Free Agency. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Free Agency. Show all posts

Sunday, December 11, 2011

Prince Fielder Mulling Offers From Several Foods


Former Milwaukee Brewers first baseman Prince Fielder is one of the more potent names available in this off-season's free agent market, second only to Albert Pujols, who signed with the Los Angeles-Anaheim-California-West Coast-U.S. Angels earlier this week. Fielder, who has hit free agency at age 27, is primed for a huge payday as several teams see his youth as the deciding factor in declaring him the TOP free agent. 

There are several teams that have already made offers to Fielder, and it is rumored that more teams are prepared to make offers very soon. Fielder himself knows the enormity of the decision in front of him. Having spent the winter meetings at his home in Orlando, he is carefully mulling the choices.

"I had a good start to my career in Cheese Wheel, and I thank them for the love and support they've shown me over the past six years. But when it comes down to it, all I got from [management] was a series of short term deals. I've proven I am a legitimate talent, and I am looking for a contract comparable to others of my position. Like the deals signed by Adrian [Gonzalez] in Baked Beans, and Mark [Teixiera] in Bagels. So now I have to look elsewhere. There have been rumors, sure. Cuban Sandwich has been mentioned a bunch of times because of all the money they laid down for Jose [Reyes], Mark [Buehrle] and Heath [Bell], but there's nothing on paper yet. People are saying I'm going to play in Chili, but Nolan Ryan hasn't contacted my agent. Since Albert [Pujols] left, Butter Cake definitely needs a first baseman to defend their title, so maybe. I have also gotten offers from several other delicious locations, so I'm just sitting back and waiting to see where the most appetizing offer comes in from."

Other possibilities Fielder mentioned are Thick Cut Maple Canadian Bacon, Sushi/Coffee, Deep-Dish Pizza, and Rice-a-Roni.

Nationals owner Ted Lerner was busy launching a campaign to make bacon cheese fries drenched in beef gravy the official food of Washington D.C. and could not be reached for comment.

Saturday, December 10, 2011

St. Louis Edges Cleveland for "Greatest Collection of Ungrateful Bastards" Title

Fans in St. Louis, incensed by Albert Pujols' decision to leave their fair city and ply his trade with Art Moreno's Halos for the next decade, have taken to burning Pujols jerseys in the street, cursing the slugging three time NL MVP and causing at least one area business to hire a security guard to protect a statue of the Dominican slugger.

Congratulations, St. Louis, you're officially the new Cleveland.

Just as the Rock and Roll Capital of the world expressed great outrage when their beloved basketball superstar LeBron James left for the warmer climate of Miami, Albert Pujols took the money (most of it; the Miami Marlins offered more, but would not offer a no-trade clause) and ran to Southern California, where, I've heard from a reliable source, it never rains, and his former fans are livid.

To the people of St. Louis, I offer a heartfelt and hearty "WAAAAAAAH."

Grow up, people. This is a business. It's about the money. At least YOUR superstar gave you two championships in a five year span before he left. You don't like free agency? You didn't seem to have a problem with it in the days of Darrell Porter and Joaquin Andujar. Ron Gant, Andy Benes and Gary Gaetti got you to the NLCS is '96. Chris Carpenter, Jason Isringhausen, and David Eckstein, were all vital pieces - and free agent acquisitions - for the 2006 Championship. For those in St. Louis with exceptionally short memories (which I'm now convinced is epidemic in the Gateway City) Lance Berkman, Jake Westbrook and Kyle Loshe were free agents who helped you win this year's title.

I fall those players had had the same kind of hometown loyalty that you expected from Pujols, you might have been looking back at 1967 wistfully.

Congrats to Albert for getting the deal he was looking for, and good luck to the people of St. Louis in finding a purpose in life.