Hey...

Did anyone know that Hockey is going on? I know my good fiend Bill over at American Caesar Salad is aware of it. But why come I haven't heard about anything going on? Why did I not know the Rangers were atop the Atlantic Division? Why haven't I been informed that the Eastern Conference leading Ottawa Senators have lost five straight? Why haven't I been regailed with tales of the reemergence of the Red Wings in Hockeytown USA?

Hockey has long been considered the misunderstood freaky step-brother of the professional sports world. Sort of like Cousin Oliver on the Brady Bunch. Baseball is the older brother, the intelligent mentor type, like David Bradford in Eight is Enough; Football, the middle, brash, celebrity brother, like Will Smith in Fresh Prince; and basketball, the youngest, the trash talker, like Arnold Drummond in Diff'rent Strokes. (Soccer is to be considered the Wilder Valderrama's Fez; not quite part of the American Sports family, but embraced by a large audience.) Hockey needs to be a little less modest, a little more loud. Not the game itself, but it's presentation. It needs to create more buzz. Because once football ends, there's a huge gulf of dead air before baseball launches anew, and I need SOME sort of sport to fill that gap, and I HATE basketball.

So get on that, Hockey. Put on some rouge and your stilettos, shorten the skirt, and boost that cleavage. Work it, damn it.

Ugh. I just gave myself the visual of Cousin Oliver in heels and a skirt. ::BLURF::