Jose Reyes Seeks Playoffs, Courage

The New York Mets game against the Florida Marlins was interrupted today when Mets shortstop Jose Reyes and Marlins catcher Miguel Olivo tusseled on field in the bottom of the fifth inning. Olivo was upset that his shortstop, Hanley Ramirez, had been struck by a pitch in the fourth that umpires ruled to be a foul ball, not a hit-by-pitch.

When relief pitcher Harvey Garcia threw a retaliation pitch behind Mets second basemen Luis Castillo, Garcia was warned, and went on to walk the batter. Miguel Olivo then went to the mound when his manager came out for a pitching change. Reyes, standing on third after the attempted beaning, apparently got into a verbal altercation with Olivo, although both men insisted the other provoked the confrontation. Reyes stated he thought Olivo was joking and said "you want to fight me?" When Reyes allegedly answered "yes," Olivo charged, heading straight towards Reyes.



Mets Third Base coach, Sandy Alomar Sr., saw Olivo charging, and stepped in front of his player, seeking to halt a physical confrontation before it began. Reyes, currently leading the majors with 78 stolen bases and considered one of the keys to the Mets future hopes at a Championship, reacted as any six year old girl would react in this situation; he grabbed his coach by the shirt and hid behind him, holding his coach at arms length and pointing him at the charging catcher.



As Olivo attacked, Reyes allowed his elderly base coach to take a shot to the head meant for him, and then, after several players got between them, proceeded to "attempt" to get to Olivo. His attempts waned rather quickly when he was embraced by Marlins third baseman Miguel Cabrera, giving up his "struggle" after only a few moments. Olivo, meanwhile, needed several players to restrain him.

Olivo was ejected for fighting, Reyes remained in the game. After several minutes, the game resumed, and Mets pitcher John Maine managed to get past the side show to pitch seven and a third innings of no hit ball before finally giving up an infield single to Olivo's replacement. The Mets won the game, 13-0, and regained their first place tie with Philadelphia with one game to go.

Reyes had originally intended spending the off-season working out, but his new itinerary now includes a trip to Emerald City, where he hopes the strange and powerful Wizard of Oz can give him some courage. Also included in the trip plan are teammates Lastings Milledge, who is seeking a brain, and Paul LoDuca, who creaks when he walks like a shambling tin golem.

"Oil can," LoDuca was quoted as saying through a rusted jaw.

Really, Cleveland? REALLY?

Does Cleveland mind being considered a second-class city? Do they care? Are they even trying to be viewed as a major metropolis any more?

Look at the sidelines at a Laker game. There's Jack. The Knicks have a 13th man in Spike Lee. Who do the Cavaliers have at the Eastern Conference Finals as their heavy star power? Geraldo Rivera? Really, Cleveland? REALLY?

Hancock's Death Fails To Rally Slumping Cardinals

ST. LOUIS - Members of the Cardinal organization were rocked early Sunday by the news that Cardinals relief pitcher Josh Hancock was killed when his SUV slammed into the back of a stationary tow truck in the early hours of Sunday morning. Initial reports stated that Hancock was dead on impact, and later reports have come to light stating that Hancock may have been drinking earlier in the evening.

Hancock's death struck a sad chord with St. Louis fans, who remember the death of Darryl Kile in 2002. Kyle was discovered dead in his hotel room from a heart attack. Fans also remember that the Cardinals went on to win the NL Central, and defeat the reigning World Champion Arizona Diamondbacks in the NLDS before falling to San Francisco in the League Championship Series. Fans hoped that Hancock's death would rally the Cardinals, who are currently last in the NL Central, but the team has looked despondent and bewildered in their last three games.

Cardinal first baseman Albert Pujols, fighting off tears at his locker after the first game, explained how Hancock was like a brother to them, and that they wished could have reversed their fortunes before another teammate had to be taken from them. Pujols was so distracted by the events of the weekend that he actually walked to first base after being thrown only three balls by Milwaukee starter Jeff Suppan. Scott Rolen immediately hit into a double play, turning one of the few bright moments into a dark reminder of how poorly the team is playing.


Several other players made mistakes showing their lack of concentration. Right fielder Scott Spiezio dropped a flyball in the fifth inning of yesterday's game, second baseman Adam Kennedy and Pujols both had errors in Tuesday's contest, starting pitcher Braden Looper put both of his socks on his left foot, and Cardinals backup catcher Gary Bennett reported to work in the Miller Park's right field concession stand rather than appearing in the visiting team's dugout.

"Obviously, this loss has impacted every one of us in a different way," Cardinals manager Tony LaRussa said on Wednesday, drawing frowny faces on the desk inside the visiting manager's office in Miller Park. "Josh was a member of the family. We just have to carry on, and hopefully start winning some games before someone else has to die."

Cardinals General Manager Walt Jocketty was equally confident. "The boys will bring things together. Josh would have wanted them to win, despite their grief. I'm sure they wouldn't want to disappoint him. I mean, I'd hate for his death to have meant nothing."

Some Cardinal fans remain skeptical.

"Hancock, I'm sure he was a nice guy, but c'mon, he's a middle reliever," Darcy Kellogg, diehard Cardinals fan and Fantasy Baseball League Commissioner, said while tracking Hancock's stats. "His death doesn't make sense, from an inspirational point of view. Middle relievers don't generate any impactful stats unless you are in a league that uses holds, and those are few and far between. He's not someone famous enough to inspire. You want someone they can rally around? Throw [center fielder Jim] Edmonds under a bus. THAT'LL get them fired up."

Cardinals owner William O. DeWitt, Jr. was cryptically quoted as saying "Tough times call for drastic measures."

In a related story, George Steinbrenner has been overheard encouraging utilityman Miguel Cairo to undertake more dangerous hobbies, such as base jumping, crocodile wrestling, and juggling poisonous cone shells.

A-Rod: I've Pretty Much Mailed It In Until Now

NEW YORK - Yankees third baseman Alex Rodriguez admitted yesterday that his efforts have been sub par since coming to play for New York. Acquired in a trade from the Texas Rangers for second baseman Alfonso Soriano and pitcher Joaquin Arias, Rodriguez has been the target of much derision among New York Yankee fans and baseball fans in general.

The highest paid player in baseball, the slacking Rodriguez, known to fans as A-Rod, signed a record breaking 10-year quarter of a billion dollar deal with the Texas Rangers in 2000, a contract that only the financially corpulent Yankees organization could dare take on. While his numbers have been some of the best in baseball, the fans have failed to embrace the slugger, especially after he, like the rest of his team, lost their stride in the 2004 playoffs, and suffered the worst collapse in professional sports history, losing the ALCS to hated rival Boston, despite having a commanding 3-0 lead in the series.

His poor playoff performance in both the 2005 and 2006 playoffs have likewise served to be the cause of much ire among New York faithful. In the past 12 post season games, Rodriguez has hit a pathetic 4-41 (.098) and has not had a single RBI in that span.

But this season, Rodriguez is tearing up the field like a man on a mission. "I may get up earlier than any other major league player," Rodriguez explained, "but once I got to the ballfield, it was all daydreamin' and wool gathering. I sometimes fell asleep in the dugout during those hot August games. But this year, I've decided to give the fans everything I've got. I've been playing at about 30, 35%. This year, I'm upping my output to 70% of my true potential."

The results are apparent: through 17 games, Rodriguez has clubbed 12 homeruns, driven in 31 RBI, and his batting average is a torrid .371. "I'm turning it up a notch. Back in my first full year in the majors, I played at about 80%, and hit 36 HR and drove in 123 RBI. I said to myself, 'Whoa, Alex, let's not get carried away.' So I dialed it down a bit, to about 60%. Next season, the numbers showed my decrease in effort, but then in my third year, my numbers crept up again. I actually had to slack off a bit more just to keep my power numbers down. I think by the last year in Seattle, I was playing at about 40%."

Despite his incredible regular season statistics and the fact that he owns several prestigious records and awards, Rodriguez was adamant about playoff time. "Hey, in the playoffs, everything changed. Everyone is more intense, and the mood just gets all icky. I felt really bad for the Red Sox in '03," Rodriguez said, crushing coal into diamonds outside his locker. "They always try so hard, and then [ALCS hero] Aaron Boone has to go and kick them when they're down. Not nice. You could just see the sadness in their eyes. So I decided to give them a little pep me up the next year. I told the guys to take it easy on them, let them get a little confidence, but they wouldn't hear of it. So I had to pull out all the stops. A couple of key errors later, and things were looking rosier for them. When I saw [ALCS Game 6 Red Sox pitcher Bronson] Arroyo trying to tag me, I figured I'd do something childish and immature, totally beneath a professional of my skill and stature, to light a fire under them. Well, lo and behold, they came back to win the series, and ended up winning the World Series that year! Good for them!"

But now Rodriguez says all bets are off. "We got off to a bit of a slow start, so I decided to pump up my game to a new level. I'm here to win, at least until the playoffs come around again." Rodriguez laid out a carefully composed schedule of hitting streaks, game winning dramatics, and inspirational rallies he has planned for the team. "It's so much more dramatic to come from behind, and let the Red Sox get ahead of us. Rest assured, when the chips are down, the Yankees will be there to stumble at the last minute, giving hope to some other AL team in the final days of the playoffs. I'm thinking Oakland needs a break this year," Rodriguez said. "All the criticisms, all the boos, all the death threats, they're worth it when you get to look across the field and see all the smiling happy faces of those other players."

"They're all very special little guys," Rodriguez said, clutching a handkerchief to his moistened eyes.

Time out, Blue...

"O.K., kid, you're doing fine. I should have told you Hernandez likes the outside of the plate. My bad. Now, Diaz likes the ball up and in, so-"

"Uh, dude-"

"Dave, kid. Call me Dave. Diaz feasts on the inside stuff, so we need to work the outer half of the plate, and-"

"Um, Dave-"

"I know, kid, but we keep him off balance, draw him out over the plate. As soon as he starts crowding, we bust him inside, and-"

"DAVE."

"Yeah, kid, what is it?"

"Why are you still holding my ass?"

::Long uncomfortable pause:: "I do this with all the pitchers. So anyway, Diaz will wait for that inside pitch-"

"I don't remember seeing you grabbing Bronson Arroyo this long. Or this hard."

"Television makes everything seem quicker. Now once we get Diaz thinking he's never gonna see an inside pitch-"

"I'm really gonna need you to take your hand off my ass, Dave."

"In a minute, kid."

"NOW, Dave."

::Long uncomfortable pause:: "What number are you wearing, kid?"

"52."

"What number am I wearing?"

"26."

"You know what that means?"

"No, Dave."

"It means I'm breaking camp and heading to Cincy after this, while you still have to earn a seat on the bus. And even if you DO make the big club, you're a rookie. And you know what happens to rookies."

"I'm fairly certain they don't get molested by their catchers."

"Among other things. I don't care if you are a can't miss, rook, until you've cashed your last paycheck of the year, you're my bitch."

"I'm thinking it might be better for me to miss out on making the big club."

"Your call, rook."

"How many years is your contract?"

"Two years, with a club option for '09."

"Shit. So unless you get traded, I have to stay in the minors until 2009?"

"2010 if the club picks up the option."

::Long uncomfortable pause:: "Can you at least give it a little squeeze?"